Oh you troll!
by Mayuri Kurotsuchi
Summary: When Mayuri is sent to babysit Ishida, he decides to traumatise the poor Quincy!...for science of course! (WARNING: total crack! And extreme trolling and insanity from Mayuri! XD )


**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or its characters, if i did, Kenpachi would have never been beaten by a damn Quincy :I *bitch slaps kubo* (X'D)**

**Description: When Mayuri is sent to babysit Ishida, he decides to traumatise the poor Quincy!...for science of course! (WARNING: total crack! And extreme trolling and insanity from Mayuri! XD )**

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"Would you please stop that?" Ishida said through gritted teeth as he tried to knit a woolly scarf at his desk, of course you guessed it had the Quincy symbol and colour scheme. (A* for his imagination! :I)

Mayuri had been sent to 'babysit' by the Commander, something about, 'showing that he feels sorry for trying to kill his entire race, yada yada yada'. In reality, he's only there because they will cut his divisions funding. And they both knew it.

He lay out stretched on the Quincy's bed looking at his spotless pale white ceiling. He clicked his tongue once more and Ishida turned in his swivel chair, "I swear -", "By the pride of the Quincy!", "What?...uhh...whatever", he turned around to continue his knitting and Mayuri grinned widely baring his golden teeth.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. He chuckled evilly in his mind.

Mayuri rolled onto his stomach and groaned so loud Ishida cringed, but he didn't turn. Mayuri pouted and ruffled around the blanket and pillows till he stumbled on something interesting "Hey! Hey! Hey Quincy! Hey!", "my name is Ishida you moron" he turned to see Mayuri looking through a small blue leather notebook. His eyes popped out his skull in shock

"Today was the worst day ever! Orihime hugged me! And i had a damn nose bleed! Now my shirt has an odd pink hue to it! ." Mayuri read aloud with a chuckle and laughed even harder when the embarrassed Quincy snatched the notebook away.

"Haven't you heard of privacy!?", "Do lab mice get privacy?", "...wha-", "EXACTLY" Ishida huffed, sitting back in his chair he attempted to return to his knitting, but he felt that Mayuri still wore his grin. He knew this man was dead set on annoying him the entire time he was to spend with him.

"Quincy, Quincy, Quincy Quincy!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Make me!"

"...I hate you Mayuri"

"Mayuri - SAMA"

"I don't wish to comfort your ego, thank you very much!"

Mayuri chuckled evilly making Ishida shudder and turn to see a pleased looking grin smeared on his painted face, "Why do you look so cheerful?"

"I'm thinking...I never really got to properly break the other Quincys, i had a deadline after all..." He smirked as Ishida's face twisted with disgust. "How dare you speak of my people like that!-", "Did i hurt you saying that? Was it your grandfather that you were thinking of? I could show you more pictures if you want!" he giggled sitting on the very edge of the bed with his golden eyes glistening with anticipation. Ishida turned back to his knitting and sighed,"Im not playing your stupid game Mayuri".

"That's what he said" He smirked "Then i cut him into tiny pieces! Oh how he screamed your name, it was music to my ears!" Ishida twitched and slowly turned his chair to see a very amused smirk, "You...you're a monster!" he lunged at Mayuri only to have a palm connect to his face and drive him into the floor.

"My, my...Such an angry Quincy! You could have been hurt! You are an endangered species remember!"Ishida rose to his feet and glared at 'scientist' before him, he truly hated this man.

"I'm going to go make myself some food...you can stay here" he huffed with great annoyance as the other stood and followed. He knew this night wasn't going to end well.

They both entered the room and Ishida got together some bits to make a sandwich. He looked over to the man that was prodding at his blender with an odd frown on his face. "Haven't you ever seen a blender before?"

"Bitch please! This is no blender! You could never fit a human in this puny insult of a blending implement!" he glanced over to the speechless Quincy; he just sighed and continued with his sandwich.

Mayuri paced around impatiently, the silence burning at his ears, until he noticed the CHOPPING and GRINDING of the ingredients.

"Chopping and grinding...i do say...i feel a strange Déjà vu!" he chuckled, Ishida blinked, and then it hit him.

"YOU SICK BASTARD! STOP TALKING ABOUT THE WAY YOU TORTURED MY PEOPLE!" He growled and stormed back to his room.

Mayuri walked in about half an hour later to see the other was now knitting on his bed. He asked himself, is he knitting for a giraffe?

"What took you so long?" he asked not taking his eyes off the scarf, "Awwww, did you miss me?", "pfft...no, i just wondered if you were planting cameras around my house", "Don't be stupid!...i did that right after you and your friends invaded the Seireitei!" he said calmly, Ishida's eye twitched and his scarf ripped, "YOU! WHAT!?" he squealed.

"It's okay, i won't tell how you're a super Brony and like to sing Justin Beiber songs while wearing a wig" He smirked as the other paled.

"..You...bastard"

Mayuri simply smiled, oh how he loved to annoy people!

**A/N**

**Mayuri: Pfft! I don't troll! **

**Ishida: ...:I *pats his head* There, there Mayu-chan...We all know you're a closet troll...wtf why am i touching you!?**

**Mayuri: ¬u¬**

**Ishida: ono**

**Mayuri: *u* **

**Ishida: Fuuuu- n**

***based on a RP with my Uryu-tard XD***


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